Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
