Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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