Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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