I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
