i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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