the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize