highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
