Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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