And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
