all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
