I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize