just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
