DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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