sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
