he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize