They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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