kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
