the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
