Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
