How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
