I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
