cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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