thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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