erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
