please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
