update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
