i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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