Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
