I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
