Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
