Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
