Don't you send me to vm
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
