3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
