I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize