I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
