He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
