just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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