I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
