I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
