wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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