Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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