Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
