I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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