his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
