dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
