just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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