Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
