The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
