Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
