I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
