Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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