My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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