i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
