If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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