Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
