the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
