is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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