i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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