he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
