Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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