the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize