I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
