Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
