It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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