The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
