i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
